Barn Bloodshed

I wrote about this true story, as a way of showing ‘the sincerest form of flattery is imitation’ to Dale Connelly and his MPR Morning Show bogus news reports.


An incident in Dairy Farmer Bens barn lead to bloodshed when Zack the dog bit Lynnette the calf on the nose Tuesday evening. It was during chores and Zack the dog was dozing on a pile of straw in front of the calf pen when Lynnette the calf apparently pulled on his fur. Zack, having been rudely and suddenly awakened snapped at the calf and bit her on the nose drawing blood.

"Zack shouldn’t have been laying there and Lynnette shouldn't have bit him." said Dairy Farmer Ben, “Calves are very nosy and they are going to lick or pull on anything within their reach."

Lynnette was very upset and was imagined to yell, "DOG GERMS! DOG GERMS! BOIL WATER! GET ANTISEPTIC! AAGGGHHHH!!"

D.F. Ben said Zack was scolded for biting and for lying there in the first place. Lynnette received some minor medical assistance and comforting words at the scene of the attack. Lynnette showed no lingering effects from the bite and was eating normally Wednesday morning.

No further investigation is planned.

Reporting from the farm, I'm Beau Vhine.

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